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What Keeps us Stuck in Addiction and What Does “Real” Recovery Look Like?


The partners of sex/porn addicts can find it difficult or near impossible to discern whether or not their partner is still "stuck in addiction" or in actual "real recovery." Here's how a PBSE listener describes this frustrating, painful experience—


1 year ago, iIfound my husband of almost 25 years has been addicted to porn our whole marriage and he had racked up tens of thousands in debt that included monthly subscriptions for Viagra, for cam girls and gambling. He has struggled with ED for the last 10 years and always gaslit me into thinking it was“I made him nervous” about performing. I begged him to tell me what was going on, but he denied all. I have known about his porn use but did not know anything about PIED [porn-induced erectile dysfunction] and had no idea he was depending on Viagra to be able to have sex with me. For a while after D-Day [disclosure day] he was able to perform without Viagra, but the last 6 months , we are back to ED. He denies using porn. But besides listening to your podcast, he has done nothing for true recovery. No program, no groups, no CSAT , no disclosure, etc. He says has not slipped once with porn or masturbation but i find it hard to believe this “white knuckling” approach is that successful. He just admitted this year to being molested by a neighbor boy at a young age, but refuses to talk to anyone other than me. His parents knew about it but never discussed it. I believe this is why he struggles with being emotionally unavailable and has used porn to numb his pain. He has gotten emotional once with me, but mostly is closed off to emotion. I know he needs to be the one to decide to truly lean into recovery. But since you are the ONLY people he listens to, can you do a podcast on what true recovery is - that it’s not just avoiding porn. I don’t want to leave him - but I’m pretty sure I’m standing in the middle of a volcano that will eventually explode again without help. Thank you for being the one guidance we have.


In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about what keeps us stuck in addiction and what REAL recovery actually looks like.



Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com


Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling


Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

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